Fatherhood’s Challenges: The Sweet Rewards of Parenthood

In Leon Uris’ 1976 novel “Trinity,” set in Ireland between the Great Famine and the Easter Rising, a significant moment occurs when Conor Larkin, an Irish Catholic, discusses his political choices with Andrew Ingram, a Scottish Protestant schoolteacher. Ingram’s remark, “You and I are both of Celtic stock. We know that our kind can go on for a hundred years without talking to one another,” reflects the complex relationships that still resonate today.

Many men today grapple with their roles as fathers, shaped by the expectations of previous generations. Our grandfathers experienced the rigidity of manhood during World War II and the Korean War, often revered as stoic figures who upheld the family unit.

Conversely, the fathers from our own childhoods faced transformative changes in the 1960s and 1970s, when the Vietnam War challenged traditional notions of masculinity. These shifts left many of us wondering how to navigate fatherhood.

For some, the absence of emotional closeness with their fathers means learning from elders outside their biological families. I, too, have leaned on mentors like my grandfather and various writers to understand the complexities of being a man and a father.

In 2018, I embraced fatherhood without guidance from my biological father. Support from friends directed me through the process. By 2022, I welcomed twins to our family, all while managing their time in neonatal intensive care. Our daughter faced issues arising from a heart condition, while the twins, born prematurely, needed extra care.

Now, all three children thrive. They are full of life, interested in everything from Pokémon to dinosaurs. Our daughter exhibits a passion for reading, while the twins, though pre-literate, engage with books eagerly, as their nursery doubles as our home library.

Across Sedona and the Verde Valley, we venture to expose our kids to new experiences. Despite the challenges, the joy that greets me when I return home—tiny arms wrapping around me and excited cries of “Daddy!”—makes every struggle worthwhile.

Not all of my friends share my path, opting instead to forego parenthood for various reasons. Parenting is, undoubtedly, a demanding endeavor requiring emotional and financial investment. Yet, the small, joyful moments, like sharing a cookie or a movie, define my experience as a father.

As I reflect, I recognize that these efforts—staying up late, ensuring a gentle bedtime—may shape my children’s futures. I desire to avoid repeating my own childhood’s unresolved strains with my father.

Father’s Day, once a date I dismissed, has transformed into a celebration of family. This year, on June 15, I anticipate a day filled with the simple joys brought forth by my children—an adventure shaped by their creativity and love.